Azula's Search
by divergentdemigodwizard
Summary: Takes place at the end of The Search part 3. Includes last scenes in Azula's pov and continues with her after she runs away. Will Azula and Ursa ever make amends? Will Zuko be able to help his sister? Read to find out. Spoilers for The Search.
1. Chapter 1: The Decision

**SPOILERS FOR THE SEARCH PART 3**

**This is my first fanfic, so sorry if it sucks. I will try and stay as close to what I think the original characters would do.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender or any of its characters. Nor do I own any of the relating Comics. i.e. The Search part 3 **

**Please Read&Review. I appreciate any comments so I can make it better.**

**Starts on pg. 58 of The Search part 3 **

**I recommend reading/rereading the Search so you're not confused. :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>: **The Decision**

"You're not going anywhere!" I yell as I pounce, pinning her to the wall with a loud whump. "It all ends right now!" I raise my left palm, ablaze with my blue fire, above her head while pinning her to the wall with my right.

"I don't know…what you're…talking about…" she exclaims with a pained look on her face.

"Oh really mother?! So I've imagined all this? You haven't been trying to take me down from the moment I was born?!" I retaliated.

Silly mother trying to fool me. Ha. She may have changed her face but I know it's her. I know the truth. I've figured out her plan. Her plan to destroy me. After all these years and she still persists. I shall destroy her first.

I start to move my hand the slightest bit forward.

"Azula, let her go!"

I stop my hand. Pathetic Zuzu always butting in.

"Stay back, Zuzu! I'm warning you!"

I think back to my sole purpose for coming when the woman, victim to my plan, puts her hand on my left cheek. With tears in her soft pleading eyes she says just above a whisper "If what you say is true…if I really am your mother…then I'm sorry I didn't love you **enough**."

My chest grows tight and tears sting my eyes, threatening to escape.

A hand wraps around my wrist and I am pushed away, freeing the woman from my clutches. "No!" I exclaim, reaching for her.

"Get away from her!" Zuzu shouts while throwing me aside.

Stupid! I let her get to me once again! I must not let such weakness overtake me. I send an angry fire blast at Zuzu. He evades and sends a flaming kick my way, but I am too fast for him, flipping backward I dodge his flames. I send a flurry of punches and kicks. He avoids them like the prancing fool he is.

"Oh for crying out loud, stop moving!" I yell in frustration. He should have been defeated by now. What is happening?

I know, I'll give him some lightening. I muster up some of the blue energy at my fingertips, ready to strike.

"Don't do it. I told you already, I know how to deal with your lightening. I can redirect it **anywhere**."

I send him a sharp glare. Sorry Zuzu.

"AAARGH!" I shoot the bolt at him.

In one smooth motion he catches the bolt and sends it back at me. I have no defense. I don't know how to redirect my own creation. It its me in the chest, flinging me backward into a chest of drawers. It was far less powerful a blast than I sent at him, he must have took some off it. But why?

Maybe if I try reasoning with him, he'll let me proceed.

"Don't you get it, Zuzu! You and I will finally be free! You of a throne you never really wanted, and me of this incessant nagging in my head!" I say as I point to my right temple.

He narrows his eyes at me. "No you're wrong."

I grab the letter from my boot and wave it in front of him.

"Oh, stop kidding yourself! The other morning when you had me over that cliff, why didn't you just let go? You could've gotten rid of me and this letter!" I sit up sending him a challenging glance. "It would have been so easy! Admit it! You need me to help you be free!"

He pulls out the royal Fire Lord's hairpiece from his robes looks down at it.

This is it. I've done it. I will take my rightful place as Fire Lord, just like father intended.

"In my heart I know - - I've always known - - " I lean forward the slightest bit. Yes here it is. No. Wait, what is he doing?

" - - that the **throne** is my **destiny**." He says while putting the hairpiece in place.

No. What is he doing? He looks down at me with a determined look, but there is something else there. Pity? Sadness?

"That morning on the cliff…Azula, our relationship is so **messed up**. It's been like that as long as I can remember. And maybe it'll be like that for the rest of our lives. But one fact never changes. No matter what, you're still my **sister**."

There's that tight feeling in my chest again. Tears begin to form. I shut my eyes tight. I can't show any weakness. He doesn't mean it. "Shut up." I say just above a whisper. I have to leave. I've lost control.

"Shut up!" I scream while opening my eyes and getting up. I drop the letter while sending a fire blast at him, which he easily distinguishes. But I have created the diversion I need in order to escape.

I am on feet and shove my way through the broken wall to my left. I hit the sharp night air and run.

I can hear Zuzu's pleas behind me.

"Azula! Come back!"

I can hear his light footsteps treading behind me. I pick up the pace. I need to get away. I can't think.

"Come back! Please! I can help you! I **want** to help you!"

Tears flow freely down my cheeks. He can't help me. No one can. I'm a monster. Foolish Zuzu, always believing he can change things.

I stop and face him.

"Same as always, Zuzu. Even when you're **strong**…you're **weak**." I say before taking off again back towards the ominous forest.

I hear him call my name once more, but I continue. I can't be here. I can tell from the shadows that a bright light is forming behind me. It's just the distraction I need to get away. I head for the darkness of Forgetful Valley. I'd rather face that retched forest than what I leave behind.

The last words I hear are "Fire Lord, **look**."

I have reached the cover of the trees now. I take a chance glance back. No sign of Zuzu.

_He is not the weak one_.

I let out a sob, but keep moving, working my way deeper into the dark forest. The salty tears flow freely from my puffy red eyes. I continue running. I need to get as far away as possible.

* * *

><p><strong>What do you think? Don't be afraid to tell me, positive or negative.<strong>

**Chapter 2 will be out shortly.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2: Escape

**Here's Chapter 2. Please R&R**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 2: Escape<span>

The branches grab at my hair and my clothes, trying to restrict me as if to say, "turn back." I ignore their pestering and run even faster, tearing my clothes and cutting my face in the process.

It seems as if I have been running for hours. My face starts to sting from the salty tears that have seeped into the miniscule fissures. There is a sharp pain in my chest. I don't know whether it's from the lightning or from the turmoil of my pounding heart. My lungs are on fire and there is a metallic taste. I start to stumble but I push onward through the restraining arms. I light my right palm, extending it in front of me to clear a path through the thicket of branches. I run through my blue flames irritably.

A loose vine snags my foot and I fly through the air. I land in a tumble that knocks my hair lose. I finally skid to a stop. My body aches and I lie there for a moment. Shadows dance around in the blue light, mocking me in my own ring of fire. I try to sit up but ultimately fall back into the soft soil. I accept my defeat and stay there. Ugly sobs start to rack my body. I can't breathe. My throat is thick and I let out a wretched scream as if to clear it. My throat seems all the more thick. I furiously breathe fire, setting a nearby tree ablaze, adding more life to the merciless terrors. My whole body starts throbbing along with the aching in my chest.

What is happening to me? I haven't lost this much control since that Water Tribe peasant got the best of me. What a horrible failure I was that day! If father saw me in such a weakened state… Get it together Azula! You are the Princess of the Fire Nation! You are a prodigy! Perfection is key! You can't be soft like Zuzu!

Zuzu. After all that I have done to him, he still wants to help me. No! That's a lie! He doesn't care about me. He's just being foolish.

_You are the one being foolish._

"Ahhh!"

"I hate him and he hates me! That's the way it was always meant to be!"

_He doesn't hate you. He loves you_.

"Get out of my head!" I scream while sitting up and squeezing my temples.

"Stop patronizing me Mother! I know you are behind this!" I look around waiting for her to reveal herself. For the first time her apparition doesn't appear.

"Please, Mother! Stop! What do you want from me?"

No answer. I look around once more and see a small flicker of something.

"Gotcha." I get up and walk towards the area, a devious smile on my face. I come across one of the stupid spirit pools, but my mother is nowhere to be found.

"Where are you? I know you're here! Come out and face me!"

I kneel over the pool and shut my eyes as tears once again take form. She doesn't want me. She never wanted me. That's why she had another daughter. To replace me. I can't help the small river from flowing freely behind my closed lids.

_That is not true and you know it. She loves you._

I open my eyes and I see my reflection. Though a soft expression is on my face, surely not the crazed and desperate one I'm displaying now. It is so alien to my features; I hardly recognize it as myself.

_She loves you Azula._ She says in a soft, heartfelt tone.

More tears spill from my eyes. "She loves Zuko more. She always has. She thinks I'm a monster." I say as I look away from the reflecting pool.

_No, Azula—._

"It's true!" I cut myself off.

"I am a monster! I've done horrible, unspeakable things for power. And look how far that's got me!" A cruel laugh escapes my lips. "I strive for perfection, but am the farthest thing from it. I don't have anything. No power, no father, no honor, no friends, nothing. My own Mother, chose to forget me. I am alone."

_You are not the only one she chose to forget._

"Yeah, well Zuzu had Uncle! That silly old tea loving fool! Who was there for me?! No one! Father was there, but he only cared about my skill. He didn't care about me. And Mai and Ty Lee only feared me! They didn't care for me! They betrayed me! Nobody cares about me."

_You are wrong. Your Mother and Zuko love you very much. They want to help you._

"Help me? Ha! Zuzu put me in an institution! And Mother, what has she ever done to help me? They don't care!"

_Yes, they do. They both care for you deeply. Give them a chance. Accept their love._

I look back into the water, a pitiful pleading face staring back at me. Tears hit the sacred pool, creating ripples in the unfamiliar expression.

"Agh!" I scream while slashing the water with my hand. I fall backward spreading my limbs and shut my aching eyes. I release a deep sigh and look up at the stars in an attempt to clear my mind and relax. My tender muscles pulse and my head is pounding from the war raging internally. I close my eyes once again, and beg for sleep to relieve the pain.

"Mother." I whisper before falling into the numbing abyss.


	3. Chapter 3: Turning Point

**Here it is Chapter 3. Sorry it took so long. College, bleh. It is a flashback. Beginning scenes taken from "Zuko Alone" and "The Search part 2".**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 3: Turning Point<span>

_*flashback*_

"Dad is going to kill you." I sing while leaning against the doorframe. "Really, he is." I taunt while turning my head to look at Zuzu with a smirk on my face. He is lying in his enormous bed.

"Haha, Azula. Nice try." He defends, sitting up.

"Fine. Don't believe me. But I heard everything." I walk over to his bed making sure to keep eye contact. "Grandfather said Dad's punishment should fit his crime."

I latch on to the nearby bedpost and hoist myself up on his bed.

"You must know the pain of losing a first born son." I perform in mock imitation of Azulan while walking to the adjacent bedpost. I swing around it and shoot Zuzu an intense look. "**By sacrificing your own**." I exclaim dramatically.

"Liar." An angry pout forms on his face while he looks at the sheet clutched between his hands.

I soften my face.

"I'm only telling you for your own good." I sit down next to him. "I know. Maybe we can find a nice Earth Kingdom family to adopt you!"

"Stop it, you're lying!"

He cringes. "Dad would never do that to me."

"Your father would never do what to you? What is going on here?" Mother is suddenly in the doorway. She gives me a harsh look.

"I don't know." I feign innocently. I gave her my most harmless face. She walks over to me and grabs my right wrist, pulling me off the bed.

"It's time for a talk." She says sternly, seeing right through my innocent façade. She drags me out of the room and through the dark hallways. I know I'm in trouble, but I'm just going to be scolded and sent to my room like always. Suddenly we stop. She turns and holds my arms at my side. She kneels down, so we were face to face.

"Spill it, Azula."

I look down not wanting to meet her demanding glare.

"Well…I accidently overheard grandfather talking to daddy in the throne room."

" 'Accidently'? " She questions with disbelief. This woman can always tell when I am lying. I don't know how she does it. Turning my head to avoid her unyielding gaze, I continue.

"Daddy asked for Uncle Iroh's birthright and grandfather got really, really mad. He couldn't believe daddy would do something like that so soon after cousin Lu Ten's death! Now for his punishment, daddy has to get rid of Zuko! Grandfather wants him to know the pain of losing his firstborn!"

Mother gasps and her jaw drops. She releases me and stands up. She turns to walk away as if she forgot I was here.

"Oh, mommy! I'm so scared for Zuko! You don't think daddy would really do something like that, do you?" I finally meet her gaze once again giving her my most innocent expression. Her face hardens.

"Go to bed, young lady. **Now.**"

She gives me her back and walks away. Not the response I was hoping for, but the one I knew she'd give. I head for my room, a slight smirk creeping up on my features. Father wouldn't really kill him, probably just fake his death and send him away, only to be seen on private visits. Mother would probably want to go with him since she's always fawning over the little baby. But that would raise suspicion. So she would be forced to stay here with me.

With Zuzu out of the way, all the attention will be on me. Father will become Firelord one day and I will follow after him, just like he always dreams of. I will be his only child and I will do him proud. And mother will finally give me the attention I deserve, and I will welcome her company, finally proving to her that I am not a complete monster. A full-blown smile is on my face by the time I reach my room. I change into my nightclothes and climb into my obscenely large bed. I fall asleep to the wonderful thought that soon I will have everything I've always dreamed of.

I wake up and it's still dark. It must be the early hours of the morning. There's some commotion going on in the hallway. I get out of bed and tiptoe over to the door. As I approach I hear hushed voices. I twist the knob and pull just enough that a sliver of light shines on my face. I can see two servants frantically murmuring.

"Dead?"

"Yes. A messenger came to give him some news and found him in his bed, dead."

"Oh, my."

"Yes, they say that he must have pasted in his sleep. Old age probably."

"I can't believe it. Fire Lord Azulan. Dead."

I gasp. I did not expect this. Grandfather dead. The two servants spot me. Contained panic washes over them.

"Princess Azula you should be asleep."

I open the door fully and step out into the hallway. "Grandfather is dead?"

The two servants look at each other and then back at me. Finally, one steps forward. Bending down to my level as she replies.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I am so sorry Princess Azula."

"Does that mean that father is the new Firelord?"

"Yes. Apparently, Firelord Azulan decided that your father, Prince Ozai, should succeed him shortly before he passed. Your father's coronation will be later today."

Oh, this is wonderful. Father will make a much better Firelord than Azulan.

"Princess, you should go back to sleep and get some rest."

"Okay." I mutter and rub my eyes feigning tired. I return to my room and dress quickly. If father is to be the new Firelord does that mean he's killed Zuko?

I open the door once again and the servants are nowhere to be seen. I run down the hallway towards my desired location. I burst into Zuzu's room. He is snoring heavily on the bed. He is still asleep. He is still alive. Of course he is. Father wasn't actually going to kill him. I don't know why I even bothered to check. I turn to leave when something catches my eye. It is Zuzu's pearl dagger. The one Uncle gave him. Without a second though I snatch it up and tuck it into my boot.

Hmm. I wonder how mother is taking the news. Probably sulking by the turtleduck pond no doubt. I make my way over to the palace gardens. There is a faint glow of the upcoming dawn on the mountain's horizon. I look around. No sign of her. Maybe she's under the apple tree. I check and find nothing but fallen apples. Hmm. Perhaps she's in her room. I walk down the dimly light hallways, hiding from a couple servants in the process. As I walk down the hallway to her room I get an eerie feeling. It seems darker and colder than usual. I shake off the feeling and slowly walk in.

It is dark and cold with no sign of life. I glance at the bed and it is still made from yesterday morning. Odd.

Suddenly the answer to her whereabouts strikes me. She's probably with father planning the coronation. How foolish of me to think otherwise. I decide to walk to father's study.

I the door is open and I stroll inside. To my surprise I don't see her. Counselors and servants surround Father.

"Azula. What are you doing out of bed?"

I focus my attention on him.

"Where's mother? I heard grandfather died and I went to find her."

An angry look comes across his face as he answers.

"She's gone." He says simply.

My heart leaps into my throat and my scalp prickles.

"What?"

"She's gone." He says more sternly.

"Why?"

"No one knows, and it's best not to dwell on it."

"But-"

"Azula! She is gone and she is not coming back! Do you understand?"

"Yes, father."

"Good. Now leave me I have important things to take care of." With that the conversation is over. I leave his presence and run with no destination. Unwanted tears form in my eyes. I blink hard. I must not show weakness.

Mother is gone? But why? It doesn't make any sense. Zuzu is still here. She wouldn't dare leave without him, or me. Even as I think it, I don't believe it. Tears begin to stream down my face. The truth is she would leave without me. But Zuko? That's what I am confused about. She wouldn't go anywhere without her precious Zuko. Maybe she's not gone for good. Maybe she's coming back. But father said she wasn't and he seemed to mean it. Father is not one to say things he doesn't mean. Before I know it I'm back in her abandoned room. If she's gone forever, then why didn't she at least say goodbye?

My tears stop as anger flows through me. I crease my brow and clench my jaw. I curl my fingers into a tight fist, creating a popping sound. She didn't even say goodbye! I know she thinks I'm a monster, but she could at least pretend to care! My fists are so tightly clenched that my long nails embed themselves into my palm. I can feel the fire growing within me. My knuckles start to smoke as I stare at her bed.

"HUH AHH!"

I send a flaming punch at the silk sheets. They quickly are engulfed in blue flames; they slowly fade into the familiar orange. I study my hands. They look normal, minus the couple moon shaped blood spots from my nails. I turn and send another set of flames at her dresser. I get the same result: blue flames. A wicked smile forms on my lips. I'll show her just how monstrous I can be. I begin slashing and punching and kicking, hurling blue flames everywhere. When I am finished nothing is left, just fire. I turn and let the room burn. Now it is just another unused room.

* * *

><p><strong>Ahhh blue flames! Hoped you liked it. Chapter 4 shouldn't take as long. Thanks for reading. :)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4: Rumination

**Here's Chapter 4. Enjoy. Please R&R. Flames welcome.**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 4: Rumination<span>

I begin to stir. Stuck in the space between deep sleep and alertness. For a moment I think I'm back in the institution and panic spreads through me. I quickly sit up and extend my arms and realize that I am not in the restricting jacket. I am still in the forest. A sigh of relief escapes my mouth.

The bright light of day forces me to squint. My fingertips flicker with heat as the sun's warmth quickly seeps into my skin. My eyes sting and I realize it's from all the tears I've shed. The events of yesterday play before my mind's eye. I have never lost such control in my life. What is happening to me? I don't understand. What am I to do.

I recall mother's plea.

_'All your life, you've hidden behind a mask of intimidation and fear. Take off your mask. Only then will you see the beauty of your __**true destiny**__.'_

All my life, I thought the throne was my true destiny. Now, I'm not so sure. But then what is my true destiny?

I sit and stare at the pool from a distance, not wanting to have another showdown with my reflection. I'm not sure how long I sit like this before my empty stomach demands my attention. I slowly and painfully get to my feet. I groan and stretch my stiff, overworked muscles.

I decide to walk back down the path I burned in search of something to eat. I have no clue what is edible and what's not in this damned forest. So far, nothing looks even remotely appetizing. I have reached the end of the path of the charred brush. I continue forward, trying to maintain as straight of a line as I can as the trees force me one way or the other.

After a while of walking I come across some type of berry bush. I pick one of the purple orbs and hesitantly put it in my mouth.

"Uck!" I spit it out immediately. The sour, pungent juice leaves the worst taste in my mouth. My stomach growls as if to mock me. I wipe my tongue on my sleeve and continue with my quest to find food.

After what I deduct to be a half an hour, I find what look to be nuts. The oval shell reminds me of an almond but with the thickness of a walnut. I hold one between two fingers as I set another ablaze and roast it. I let the blue fire engulf the shell till I hear a pop. Viciously, I extract the nut and pop it in my mouth.

"Ack!" I spit out what I have deduced to be food. The taste of dirt and ash is worse than the berry.

"This is hopeless. I'm going to starve."

I sit on a nearby log and put my head in my hands. I shake my head and try to make sense of my situation. Taking a deep breath, I lift my gaze. I stare at nothing in particular and just sit. As my thoughts begin to wander, I forget the aching in my stomach.

How did I end up here? Oh, yeah. That's right, I came on a quest to kill my mother and when I had her in my clutches I couldn't do it. And Zuzu in his glory, offered to help me and I ran. Great job, Azula. Uhh! Such failure mocks me.

I release a calming breath.

What could he possibly do to help me anyway? I'm beyond repair. I'm the crazy princess from the Fire Nation! Put in the nut house by her own brother!

He obviously didn't mean it. Or did he? For the first time I consider Zuzu's affections. This whole trip he has complained about our relationship. Does this mean he actually cares? His words echo in my mind.

_'From the day you were born, you've put me through __**so much**__! Why, Azula?! Why'd our relationship have to be like this?!'_

_'Azula, our relationship is so __**messed up**__. It's been like that as long as I can remember. And maybe it'll be like that for the rest of our lives. But one fact never changes. No matter what, you're still my __**sister**__.'_

Tears stream down my cheeks with this surprising actualization. He does care. Perhaps the only one that does. I thought father did. But I was wrong. I see that now. My mother and father may not care about me, but my brother does. A small smile forms on my lips. I am both heartbroken and touched. But what can he really do for me now? I don't care. I want comfort for once. I'm tired of keeping everything in. For what seems like the first time in my life I want to hug my brother.

I get up and race in the direction I think is Hira'a. I can't remember the last time I've felt joy. A genuine smile is on my face. It is so unlike me, yet it feels nice. If father saw me now…No! Screw father! He's in prison with no bending, what can he do? The thought makes me smile even wider.

Finally I reach the edge of Forgetful Valley. I stop just outside the tree line in the same clearing that I ran through last night. I look around, searching for Zuko's personage. I notice him just off to the side of the house. He's staring out at the village before him.

"Zuzu." I say and start my way toward him.

A woman comes up to his side and he smiles at her. I stop dead in my tracks. It feels as if the weight of a komodo-rhino has been set on my shoulders. I clench my jaw and ball my fists.

It's her. Her real face returned. She is the woman who has been haunting me. She catches sight of my movement and her eyes lock onto mine.

"Azula." She gasps. Zuzu turns and sees me. I look to him then glance back to her.

"Zuzu I…I'm…I'm sorry." I turn and run back into the cover of the trees.

"Azula! Wait!"

As a repeat of last night, he follows me with our mother lagging behind. My rare happiness from moments ago is replaced by dread and heartache. I can't face her. It's too much.

"Azula, sweetie, please stop!" She begs.

"I don't need her. I've never needed her." I tell myself as I continue to run.

Thoughts of a young sick child secretly begging for her lost mother invade my mind. The pain of realizing she'd never come. The private tears that were shed in the confines of my room. Feeling abandoned and unloved. Such weakness was rare and was never known to anyone. No! Missing her was futile. Her absence made me stronger. Besides she didn't want to be apart of my life anyway.

Distracted by my thoughts I partially run into a tree. I spin off in an effort to keep moving, but it has slowed me down. Zuzu is right behind me.

"Azula." He reaches out and grabs hold of the back of my shirt. He tugs it back but I keep moving forward, dragging him along.

"Azula. Stop!" And with a sudden pull he stops me. He turns me around to face him, grasping my right wrist. I am forced to look into his sad, pleading eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Please Zuzu let me go." I beg trying to free my wrist, but his grip only tightens.

"No. I'm not letting you take off again."

"Please Zuzu, I need to get away from her." Tears form in my eyes and his expression softens.

"Azula, what is going on?" He asks just above a whisper. The water falls from my eyes and my throat is thick.

Our mother bursts through the brush panting, finally having caught up with us.

"Azula, sweetie. Please, let me explain."

Explain?! What could she possibly say that would make this right?! I am furious. I pull my wrist out of Zuzu's grasp and turn to my mother.

"Explain what?! How you left with no warning?! No information on where you'd gone?! Without even saying goodbye?! How could you?! Your suppose to be our mother!"

"Azula!" Zuko scolds.

"No, Zuko. It's okay. She's right." Tears pour down my mother's face but I am too angry and hurt to care. "I made a deal with your father that I would leave if he spared Zuko. I had to protect him."

"I know you've always preferred Zuko! But what about me?! Don't I deserve your protection?!"

"Azula I-"

"No! I suppose not! That's why you had to have a new daughter isn't it?! Because you were so ashamed with how I turned out! I know what you really think about me! You think I'm a monster!" As the words leave my quivering lips I can't choke back the sob in my throat.

There is a shocked expression on her face and she looks to Zuko, who has shed silent tears. She looks back to me and swallows hard, a steady stream flowing down her cheeks. Slowly and steadily, she walks toward me, as if approaching a wounded animal.

"Azula. You are not a monster, and it hurts me to hear you call yourself that. And Kiyi has nothing to do with you as my daughter. No matter what you think of me, or what you think I think, I will always love you with all my heart and I will never leave you again."

To my astonishment she pulls me against her, wrapping me in a tight embrace. My head is on her chest and my arms are dangling at my sides. She begins to stroke my tussled hair. My chest tightens with this sudden display of affection. More tears pour from my eyes. With a muffled cry I give in and wrap my arms around her. I bury my face in her shoulder and clench my fists in her robe. She squeezes me tighter as sobs rack my body.

"Oh, honey. I am so, so sorry. I love you so, so much. And I promise, I am never going to leave you again."

This time I believe her. She places a soft kiss to my left temple. A warm feeling replaces the ice in my lungs. I feel lighter, the weight of the komodo-rhino lifted.

I feel another set of arms wrap around me and a damp cheek press into my hair.

"I love you too, Azula. And I'm not going anywhere either."

I smile at the thought. I never knew some comforting words and a hug could feel so good. Ty Lee has given me hugs before, but they were always so cheerful and annoying.

I hastily push the thought of my old friend out of my mind. That is for me to face at another time.

Eventually I pull back and disband the family love fest. My mother slides her hands to my shoulders and gives a loving look. She places her right hand on my left cheek and wipes away my tears with her thumb.

"My, sweet baby girl." She leans forward and kisses my forehead. I offer her a small smile.

"Come on, you must be hungry."

I had forgotten all about my aching stomach. I offer a small nod of confirmation. With that she wraps her left arm around my shoulders and begins to walk. I lean my head against her shoulder reveling in the fact that she does, indeed love me. It is quite an uncomfortable way to walk, but I don't mind. This is the most affection I think I have ever received.

I am completely beside myself with my apparent weakness. No. Not weakness. This is love and trust. Father is wrong. Love is not foolish. Love is…love. I'm not sure how to explain it. These feelings are so alien to me, yet they feel…right.

I've changed so much in such a short amount of time. I'm not sure who I am anymore, and I still don't know what my true destiny is, but I'm sure that mother and Zuzu are a part of it. Whatever it is though, I will be the best. Perfection is key. I shall rise to the top and destroy those who try to stop me. I will surely make mother and Zuzu proud. I smile with the thought as we reach the edge of Forgetful Valley.

* * *

><p><strong>So, what do you think? <strong>

**I have decided to continue, not sure how far I will take it though. But you can definitely expect more of Azula. Chapter 5 will be posted soon, probably after midterms. College, ugh. Looking at a week to 2 weeks. Thanks for your patience.**

**Suggestions encouraged.**

**And as always: Thanks for reading. :) **


	5. Chapter 5: Adjustment

**Okay here is chapter 5, Finally! Sorry, very busy last couple of weeks. Thank you all for your patience and for all those that left reviews. Chapter 6 so be out very very soon. Hope you like it.**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 5: Adjustment<span>

Mother stops suddenly. We are about 40 paces from the damaged house. She turns to face me and puts her hands on my shoulders. Her eyes are soft and light.

"I'm going to go talk to them first—to explain some things. Just wait here a minute, okay?" She offers a small smile.

I nod in confirmation.

She puts her right hand on my left cheek and gives me an eye-crinkling smile before she turns and walks toward the man and the little girl. They are sitting on two stumps of wood that has been placed around a fire just outside of the wrecked doorway.

"I should probably do the same." Zuzu says from my left.

I follow his gaze to the teenagers on my right. The Avatar and his water peasant are petting his flying beast while the idiotic non-bender water peasant is holding his angled toy at his hip and talking to the flying rat.

These are Zuzu's friends? They seem like a bunch of buffoons to me. On second thought, I guess it makes sense.

The Avatar catches my eyes and looks to Zuzu. Zuzu gives him a small nod. The young airbender looks back to me and offers a friendly smile. I scrunch my eyebrows and glance at Zuzu before a slight movement of blue catches my eye. The water peasant girl has noticed me and is now glaring. She quickly pulls water from the water skin at her hip and shifts into an attack stance.

"No, Katara. It's okay." Zuzu quickly spits out while taking a step forward.

"Ahh! I knew she'd be back!"

Hmm. The water peasant boy has finally noticed our arrival. Took him long enough.

He raises his excuse for a weapon behind his head—ready to throw.

"Zuko, what are you doing?! Restrain her!"

"No, Sokka. It's okay. She's okay." Zuzu lifts his hands in a calming gesture as he looks back and forth between the two snow peasants. The waterbender is the next to speak, never taking her eyes off of me.

"Are you sure Zuko? Do you really believe she's not going to attack us again?"

The Avatar has made no movement. He is simply watching curiously. I cannot read his expression. He does not seem alarmed like his cohorts. What did Zuzu convey in that nod? I look back to Zuzu, who is already staring at me. I give him a questioning look.

"Yes. She won't be attacking anyone."

I cross my arms and shift my weight to my left foot as I raise my right eyebrow in challenge. He holds my gaze and tilts his head slightly.

"Will you Azula?"

I look up and tap my right index finger against my chin in mock contemplation.

"Hmm. I suppose not."

Zuzu rolls his eyes as he turns back to the waterbender who is still in her stance.

"You see. She's fine."

The two water peasants reluctantly relax. A smirk creeps its way onto my features.

"For now."

I send a sharp glare at the water tribe filth as he puts his toy away. Zuzu puts his hand on my shoulder, distracting me from my thoughts on the many ways to kill the boy. I throw his arm off my shoulder and head towards the house.

"I'm hungry."

I can hear Zuzu sigh before he promptly follows.

As I approach the fire, my mother smiles at me. The child has latched onto her hip and seems to try and sink further into her as I get closer. I make eye contact with her and she hides her face in mother's robes. She is obviously terrified of me, as she should be.

"The soup is almost done. Noren is getting some bowls. Please, sit."

She nods to the stump adjacent her. She puts her arm around the now shaking girl and starts to rub her back. She looks down and the child meets her eyes.

"Kiyi. You don't need to be frightened. This is Azula, my first daughter. All that stuff yesterday was just a big misunderstanding. She's not going to hurt you. After all, you are her sister."

Hmph. I cross my arms and my legs as I look away from the scene in front of me. She is **not** my sister. She's just some child my mother had with some random peasant. I want nothing to do with her. I despise children. Especially this child. But I will spare her for the sake of mother.

"It's okay Kiyi. No need to be scared."

Such reassuring words Zuzu. Though they seemed to have worked, for the child has come out of hiding and taken place upon mother's lap. She looks at me as if still uncertain.

"What?"

She cringes and I smirk. My mother gives me a reprimanding look.

"Be nice."

"Hmph"

"Azula."

"Fine."

The child's father comes from the house with some bowls.

"Who's hungry?"

"Me! I'm starving."

"Sokka."

"What? Katara, you know how I feel about food."

I see the water filth has joined us, along with the Avatar. Yippee. The man simply chuckles and begins to dish the soup. After serving the Avatar, his girlfriend, and the snow imbecile, he turns to me. He offers me a bowl with a big smile.

"Here you go. You must me hungry. Not much to eat in the forest."

I give him a questioning look as I take the bowl. His smile widens and I glance to mother who has an endearing look on her face. I look into the bowl. It doesn't seem threatening, and if it were the water tribe boy would have surely felt its effects considering he swallowed the entirety of his bowl in one gulp. I inhale and it smells like food. I take a tentative sip. It is nothing compared to the food at the place, but I've had worse. The berry and nut from this morning come to mind. I continue to sip until it is all finished.

I am reminded of the time spent camping in the Earth Kingdom with Mai and Ty Lee. When we were tracking the Avatar. We always had someone to cook for us, and when we didn't Ty Lee did the cooking. She wasn't half bad either. It all seems like a lifetime ago. Hurt, anger, and confusion arise at the thought of them. I ignore the conversation around me as I think of my two old friends.

I miss their company. Their abilities made me proud to have them as allies, but I did enjoy their presence as well. Ty Lee was always so cheerful and optimistic; it made me sick. I would never admit it, but she did make me feel better sometimes. She was so loyal and always seemed genuine. Sometimes I thought she really was my friend. That she actually cared and wasn't just there because she feared me. Her betrayal hurt the most. I never thought she would even think of such a thing. She fooled me. Her presence at the palace mocks me now. Seeing her in her Kyoshi uniform and treating me like a prisoner. I see what she truly thinks of me. I can see it in her eyes. She thinks I'm crazy and pathetic. She seems to pity me. Which is way worse than Mai's hatred.

Mai didn't seem to admire me like Ty Lee did. Though she did respect my abilities and she knew her place. We had a mutual understanding of one another. Her emotionless and deadpan nature made her harder to read and manipulate, but I could do it nonetheless. She was smart and calculating and much more of threat intellectually than most. Her loyalty wasn't as blind as Ty Lee's was, but I knew ZuZu was her weakness. She has always been attached to him and I used that to my advantage, though it did backfire. It was all Zuzu's fault.

Everything was going perfectly until he went all noble and joined the Avatar. Mai took it hard. She tried to act like she didn't care, but I knew better. I figured she wanted to rebel and chase after the fool, but I knew her fear of me would keep her by my side. That is, until she betrayed me at the boiling rock. I wasn't surprised as I was angry. I thought her fear of me would prove stronger than her love for Zuzu. Father always said fear was stronger than love. I suppose he was wrong. Though, I still don't understand. I was going to kill her. Why would she sacrifice herself for Zuzu? For love? I suppose I don't understand since I don't know what love really feels like.

Zuzu and Mother say they love me. But do they, really? Or do they love who they want me to be? Are they trying to manipulate me? Are they just saying these things so I won't destroy them? Because they know I'm more powerful?

I'm not sure. It wouldn't make sense for Zuzu to allow me to be free when he and his friends can take me down. He could have had the Avatar take my bending, but he didn't. I shudder at the thought.

"Azula are you cold?"

My head snaps up at the question. My mother has a slightly worried expression on her face. I shake my head.

"I'm fine."

"Okay." She tries to mask her worry with a reassuring smile.

Perhaps she does love me as she says. Otherwise why would she be worried if I was cold? Or allow a monster like me so close to her precious family? She said she didn't think I was a monster, but that was surely a lie. I am not in denial. I know what I am. I am a monster; whether she admits it or not.

"Azula."

Zuzu's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"I'm going to bed."

"Okay."

"We're leaving for the palace at dawn. You should get some rest."

My chest tightens. I can't leave yet. I look to my mother with worry. I keep a neutral face with only the slightest hint of worry visible.

"Don't worry, we're going with you." She gives a sweet smile.

I give her a twitch of a smile as I relax. I look around the now dim fire. Mother is holding the sleeping child and is sitting very close to the father. The Avatar and the snow peasants are tucked snuggly in their sleeping rolls not far away. Zuzu is laying out a bedroll of his own.

"We better get her to bed." Mother gestures to the child in her arms. The father gets up and reaches for the child.

"Here, I'll take her." He takes the sleeping form from my mother's arms and heads into the house. I am alone with mother.

"Are you really coming with us?"

"Of course. I don't plan on leaving you ever again."

I smile at her words. She lunges forward and wraps me in a tight embrace. The unexpected movement almost knocks me off the stump I'm sitting on.

"I never should have left in the first place. I'm so sorry."

She squeezes me tighter as if she'll never let go. Warmth seeps into my being and spreads to my limbs. I hug her back and smile. A real genuine smile. She pulls back and holds my face in her hands. She is kneeling so that our eyes are on the same level. She studies my face as I study hers.

She looks the same, only older. Wrinkles have started to form under her eyes and around her mouth. There is sadness and pain in her features. But most of all she looks tired and worn.

"I love you so, so much. You know that right?"

I nod in confirmation. She wraps me in another tight embrace. She pulls back and slides her hands down my arms to grasp mine. She brushes one side of my bangs behind my ear with her right hand.

"You should get some sleep. It's been a long day."

I nod. She stands up, pulling me with her.

"Goodnight."

"Night."

She kisses my forehead and gives me one last look before she squeezes my hand and walks into the house.

There is a calming silence as I look around for a place to lie down for the night. I don't have a bedroll or a blanket so I lay down in the grass not far from Zuzu. I pull my knees to my chest in order to fight off the cold. Soon tremors rack my body and my teeth begin to chatter.

A few minutes pass before I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn over and see none other than mother hovering over me.

"Azula, where is your bedroll?"

"I don't have one."

She looks at me, bewilderment plastered on her face. She presses her lips into a firm line, as if in thought.

"Come on."

"What?"

"Come on, get up."

She grabs my right elbow pulls me to a standing position. She ushers me towards the house.

"What? Where are we going?"

"Come on, you can sleep in Kiyi's bed."

I allow her to drag me into the shelter of the damaged home. She leads me through the house before she stops to slide open a door. She walks in and lets go of my elbow as she picks up the sleeping form on the bed.

"Mommy?"

"Shh. Everything's fine. Your just gonna sleep with me tonight, okay?"

"Okay."

She turns and offers me a smile.

"Give me a second."

She walks out of the room and I hear another door slide open. I take this time to examine the room. It's small, but cozy. The bed is directly in front of me. There is a small closet in the corner to my left. A trunk sits under a small, round window on my right. Simple clothes and toys line the floor throughout the room. I decide to sit down and test the bed. It's not as soft or as large as my bed at the palace. Or the institution for that matter. But it's better than freezing to death outside in the grass.

I hear a door slide shut and I look up as my mother enters the room.

* * *

><p><strong>So what'd ya think? Sorry leave it like that but the chapter was getting a bit long. I promise I won't take as long for chapter 6. <strong>

**Thanks for reading. :)**


End file.
